


I'm With You

by kaileidohscope



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Short & Sweet, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-06 04:22:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20500799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaileidohscope/pseuds/kaileidohscope
Summary: With Baekhyun, Chanyeol felt safe. With this enigma of a boy he barely knew, Chanyeol felt safe.





	I'm With You

**Author's Note:**

> I want to give a massive thanks to the mod of this fest. They are literally the kindest and most patient mod I have ever encountered and they deserve all the love and appreciation in the world. Thank you for being endlessly patient when you didn't have to be. You're seriously the best and I'm very thankful you allowed me to stay in this round. ♡
> 
> Song Inspiration:  
• I'm With You - Avril Lavigne  
• Sign of The Times - Harry Styles  
• Lights Out - EXO  
• Future - Paramore

**T**he air was full of noise and life. An owl hooting from a nearby hollow, crickets singing their lonely melodies, faint laughter from a house party down the street. The distant rumble of cars driving by, people off to their homes, families, and loved ones after a long day.

There amongst the life and quietude of night, was Chanyeol. Silent, stoic, withholding a silent thunderstorm beneath his surface. His hands trembled as he held his phone, staring at the one-sided text conversation. He's sent many texts over the last few weeks, six, seven, eight, too many- but all of them are unread. Ignored. 

He pushed a deep sigh through his nose as he tapped on his message bubbles -  _ Unread _ , all of them - and clicked his phone locked. He stuffed it in his pocket, pacing two strides down the sidewalk before he pulled it out again and swiped quickly to the chatroom. No change, no activity.

** _Oh Sehun _ ** \-  _ Active 1 Day Ago _

He cursed under his breath, brushing a hand through his hair restlessly. His lips tugged downward in a frown, growling out another sigh as he spun around and paced back towards the bench he'd just walked away from.

He quickly typed out another text, backspaced, backspaced, tried again, highlighted and deleted all of it. He glanced through his stack of unanswered texts.

  
  


(sunday, september 3rd)

_ are you mad at me?  _ **1:53AM**

_ i'm really sorry _

_ i'm just not ready  _ **2:00AM**

_ i'm sorry about last night  _ **7:34AM**

(tuesday, september 5th)

_ are we still studying today?  _ **12:24PM**

(saturday, september 10th)

_ so urjust ignoring me now _

_ is that what's happening _

_ srsly? _ ** 6:46PM**

_ i cant believ ur acting like this _

_ wtf  _ **6:50PM**

(monday, september 23rd)

_ why didn't u say anything _

_ when they were calling me names like that _

_ you just watched _

_ you were looking right at me  _

_ why  _ **1:45PM**

_ so i guess we're done then _

_ okay. fuck you too i guess  _ **11:07PM**

  
  


(today, november 26th)

_ pls i need to talk to you _

_ something bad happened _

_ i told my family _

_ im in a really bad place rn _

_ i have nowhere to go _

_ they kicked me out  _ **9:03PM**

_ are you home?  _ **9:33PM**

_ sehun _

_ please  _ ** _10:58PM_ **

Pathetic. It's pathetic, isn't it? He felt pathetic. He felt lost, empty. Sehun was all he had. The only person he knew who was… like him. Who didn't judge him. Who accepted him. Who would understand. Loved him in more ways than he thought possible.

Or at least, so he thought. Apparently he was wrong about that. Apparently sex rules a lot of feelings, and the lack of it trumps about everything.

_ "You're just a tease." _

That was the last thing Sehun said to him. That night, two months ago. They ended at a party, in a messy bedroom late at night. That's where they ended, because Sehun wanted more. More drinks, more kisses, more touching, less clothing. The only thing Chanyeol wanted was to go home.

He didn't like how they were kissing, he felt anxious with all the touching, he shoved Sehun's hands away every time they pushed up his shirt.

He didn't like it, he didn't want to. He never wanted to, never wanted anything more than chaste kisses and held hands. That was enough for him.

That wasn't enough for Sehun;  _ he  _ wasn't enough for Sehun. Maybe sex was all it was about in the end. Chanyeol had only wanted a friend. Now, it seemed like he had nothing.

Even his family didn't want him now. Without his family, what was he?  _ Who _ was he? Where was he supposed to go? It's like they didn't care. He stopped mattering as soon as they realized their tall, handsome,  _ promising _ son would never be bringing home a pretty wife, and would never give them the grandchildren they'd been waiting for.

_ "It's because we let you watch that foreign film, isn't it? Chanyeol, you know that's not right! It's not natural. Can't you change? You can still like girls, right?" _

His mother didn't get it, she just kept asking these hurtful questions. His father wouldn't listen, he just sat there real quiet before he started yelling. And when his father started yelling, Chanyeol started crying. Then his father stood up from the couch, and hit him until he stopped crying.

_ "If you want to cry like a little girl, I'll give you something to cry about! I raised you to be a man, so start acting like one!" _

His father told him to get out; his mother didn't say anything, didn't even look at him as he pleaded to stay. It was cold outside, freezing. He had enough time to stuff his backpack with the few things he thought to grab in his shaken state - his journal, some dirty clothes from off the floor, his phone charger, a pair of underwear, a pair of socks. And then his father was yelling again, demanding him out, banging on his door with such force it shook the walls.

He didn't have time to grab his guitar. He didn't think to grab it before he left. That was his biggest regret, leaving his guitar there. It was probably broken to little pieces of scrap wood and wire by now. His father was spiteful like that.

Chanyeol sunk down onto the bench, cradling his head in his hands as barbs wound around his throat, forcing out a sob. He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes as they began to water, willing them to stop.

_ Stop crying like a little girl. _

The thought doubled his tears, another sob wrenched from his throat as he rubbed his eyes hard enough to see stars. He sat there for several minutes, before the faint scrape of footsteps against the sidewalk startled him, and he quickly straightened his posture. He exaggeratingly cleared his throat before coughing, playing his sobs off as a simple cold. He wiped casually at his nose, throwing a sideways glance to the figure approaching to his left.

It was a short man in baggy clothing, a leather jacket with simple detailing, a white tee, beige pants a size too big, scuffed sneakers. His messily bleached hair peeked out beneath the simple cap on his head, worn low as a means to conceal the majority of his face. Chanyeol could tell he was young. Older than himself, but not by much. He couldn't tell much else before he turned his face away and tried to make himself unnoticeable.

The guy was coming from across the street, from an antique-looking apartment building barely holding its hinges. There was a crosswalk a few yards down; he wasn't using it. He walked right out of the old shack of a building and onto the street without a care.

Chanyeol wiped at the tear track on his cheek before combing his fringe back, fake-coughing again as he noticed the man step up onto the curb. He circled around a parked car at the side of the street a little ways to Chanyeol's left, dangling a pair of keys from his finger. The parking lights flashed yellow as he unlocked the doors; he looked towards Chanyeol, grabbed hold of the door handle, then hesitated.

Chanyeol fidgeted, throwing him a tentative glance. His silhouette was familiar, though only vaguely. No names came to mind.

"Hey," Chanyeol flinched when he spoke, "you okay?" His keys jangled as he shifted them in his hand.

Chanyeol hesitated, giving him another glance. He didn't know what to say, didn't even feel like lying. He pushed out a sigh. "...Been better, I guess."

The guy huffed out a small chuckle. He stepped away from his car, walking a few strides closer. He tilted his head, eyeing the taller curiosity. Chanyeol gave him another fleeting, uneasy glance.

"Chanyeol, right?"

Chanyeol looked at him properly this time, slightly startled, and realization dawned on him. This was the older brother of his friend. Well, his something of a friend. His vague, school acquaintance. Jongdae, was it? This was his stepbrother. His notorious stepbrother, who just graduated last May.

Byun Baekhyun was his name. Better known as  _ "faggot" _ around locker room snickering.

Chanyeol had walked into the men's bathroom once and caught him with the basketball team's top player in front of him, on his knees. The jock had panicked, slapping a hand over his wet mouth before he jumped up. Baekhyun quickly tucked himself back into his underwear, zipped up his jeans. Chanyeol had just muttered an awkward apology and rushed out before he could see anything else.

Baekhyun caught up with him later and apologized; made him promise not to say anything to anyone. For the jock's sake. Chanyeol promised. After that, he only ever saw him around the halls. Chanyeol never said anything about it. But he would stare. Every time they crossed paths. Every time he heard someone mutter an insult, call him names. 

_ Fag. Fairy. Bitch. Limp-wrist. Cock-sucker. _

He watched Baekhyun take the insults, and how he showed no emotion to it. He watched and always wanted to say something, stick up for him, but he never did. He was afraid.

Looking back on it now, Chanyeol just felt cowardice. That was the gist of their history.

"Oh." He couldn't form anything else to say.

"Oh." Baekhyun mimicked him, in an off-handed, indifferent way. Chanyeol fidgeted. The other glanced to his right, then back at his car, then looked at Chanyeol again. His voice was softer this time, holding a type of seriousness that stifled Chanyeol's breath. "...Is everything okay?"

Chanyeol's lips trembled. He looked down at his hands, picking at his nails. His vision blurred, and despite him trying to keep them steady, his words still warbled as he spoke. "Everything's just... a mess."

Baekhyun shifted his keys into his opposite hand, silent for a couple moments. Chanyeol could feel the weight of his gaze, how it shifted from his face to his clothes, which were not suitable for the chilly autumn weather, then to his backpack, packed full. "Do you have a place to go tonight?" He slowly asked.

Chanyeol barely shook his head. "I do, but… my sister lives too far to walk. There's no more trains running tonight, so… I'm gonna wait till morning." He sniffled quietly, keeping his eyes lowered. A breeze tickled the nape of his neck and made him shiver; he crossed his arms, hiking his shoulders up to fight off the cold and clamped his hands under his arms.

Baekhyun scoffed softly. "You're joking, right? It's freezing out."

Chanyeol looked at him with a flat, defeated expression. "It's not like I have another option."

There was a moment of silence. Chanyeol's eyes returned to the ground; Baekhyun's eyes were on him- unwavering, yet soft.

"Where does your sister live?" Baekhyun quietly scuffed his shoe against the pavement, arms crossed loosely over his chest. His keys faintly jangled then muffled against his side.

Chanyeol side-eyed him, speaking softly as he averted his eyes again. "Incheon."

Baekhyun cocked a thumb over his shoulder, towards his car. "Do you want a ride? I'm... headed that way, anyway."

The younger felt a subtle wave of hesitation, social anxiety and nervousness. It was about a forty-five minutes drive to Incheon; a long time to be stuck in a car with a guy you barely knew. He was in no mood for small talk. Then again his toes were going numb, and imagining the warm A.C of a car was swaying his interest.

"I don't want to be a burden." Chanyeol mumbled dismissively, and Baekhyun immediately shook his head, unfazed.

He shrugged halfheartedly. "You're not. I've got nowhere to be."

"Why are you going to Incheon, then?" Chanyeol challenged.

"Why are you sitting out in the cold crying?" The older retorted easily.

Chanyeol quickly sent him a glare. "I'm not _fucking_ crying."

Baekhyun gave him a look, cocked a brow, but didn't say anything. He sighed after a moment, turning slightly towards his car, "Do you want a ride or not? It's about an eight hour wait before the next train."

The remnants of tears on Chanyeol's face had frozen in the cold, stinging the delicate skin of cheeks. His eyes were bloodshot, and his nose was raw from being roughly wiped with his sleeve. His fingers were fully numb, slightly aching. Without a word, only a defeated sigh, Chanyeol grabbed the strap of his backpack and stood up from the bench.

Baekhyun remained silent as he walked to the driver's side, unlocking the doors with only a few fleeting glances towards the tall figure taking the passenger's.

  
  


✳

  
  


It was just as warm as Chanyeol had imagined it would be, and within a few minutes Chanyeol slowly defrosted as he held his hands up to the air vents, hogging all the hot air.

"How long were you sitting out there?" Baekhyun asked with a somewhat uneasy smile, huffing out a chuckle.

"... A few hours." Chanyeol said vaguely, turning his hands over to warm the backs of his fingers. They hadn't spoken much since they'd gotten in the car - or at all, actually. This was the first icebreaker either offered in the small confines of the car.

Baekhyun gave a short hum, and they eased back into the slightly awkward silence. He tweaked the A.C; nudged the inner vent on his side to the right unobtrusively when he noticed Chanyeol still shivering.

"Your lips are purple." He commented under his breath. Chanyeol self-consciously bit his lips, scraping his teeth along them to encourage some blood flow, or maybe just rub them raw enough to pulse red.

He felt Baekhyun glancing at him with curious concern.

"Do you… wanna talk about it?"

Baekhyun's car was chic yet simple, not too over the top but too expensive for Chanyeol to afford. The seats were a sticky type of leather, but the radio console was touch-screen and high-tech. The outer paint job was somewhat rough- glossy black in some places but dulled and chipping in others. However the engine was incredibly silent. And in that silence, the air felt very thick.

Chanyeol sat back in his seat, gathering his hands in his lap. The world was dark and blurred outside the window, speckled with distant city lights. "I came out to my parents," he quietly mumbled, "And their reaction was…" He lowered his eyes to his lap, forcing out a chuckle to will away tears, "It wasn't very good, I guess you could say."

Baekhyun's hold on the steering wheel fidgeted, tightening for a moment before loosening. Chanyeol's words hung in the air before the elder spoke.

"I'm really sorry to hear that."

Chanyeol shook his head dismissively. "I should've expected it."

Baekhyun looked at him for a moment before turning towards the road again. His jaw set, releasing a deep sigh through his nose. He gave Chanyeol another glance.

"I've never seen my father that angry…" Chanyeol muttered, "I was scared of him. I.. I've never been scared of him…" his voice trembled slightly, cracking under the weight of his emotions, "And my mom… She didn't even stop him, or say anything… when he was hitting me." Tears rolled down his cheeks, and he squeezed his eyes shut to keep more from following. "She wouldn't even look at me- she just let it happen… And-"

His breath hitched and his voice vanished, replaced with a shuddering sigh as he hid in his hands. He couldn't even feel embarrassed at the fact Baekhyun was watching him breakdown - he couldn't feel anything but pain. His chest was burning, felt too crushed to breathe. He kept gasping.

Long fingers brushed over the back of head, combing through his messy curls, and rubbed soothing circles into the nape of his neck. No words were spoken. Baekhyun let him sob his heart out and didn't try to offer any words of faux hope, no  _ it's okay _ s or soft shushing. Because it wasn't okay. Nothing in this situation was okay.  _ It's okay _ was dismissive of all this pain. Chanyeol had the right to hurt, and let it out.

"I didn't think they would be like this- I don't know what I thought but I didn't- I didn't think they- I-"

Baekhyun's hand moved to rub his shoulder, offering steady comfort in the silence. Chanyeol let himself cry until his entire body felt the ache of it all, felt the deep bruises of his father's rage, the deep cut on his lip from his teeth biting them raw. He cried until his eyes couldn't cry anymore. And then it was just the silence, only disrupted by the radio's low volume.

Chanyeol's sleeves were smeared with snot and tears, and his throat was hoarse. He sniffled quietly, wiping the remnants of liquid under his eyes. He didn't want to look at Baekhyun; the embarrassment was setting in.

"Are you hungry?" Baekhyun softly asked in a casual, simple tone.

Chanyeol was taken aback slightly, but was suddenly aware of his stomach's emptiness. He hadn't eaten since noon. He shrugged slowly, biting the inside of his cheek.

"Do you wanna stop and get something?"

Chanyeol looked down at his backpack on the floorboard, fidgeting with the handle. His voice rasped. "... I don't have any money."

"I didn't ask if you did." Baekhyun said with a shrug of his own. He glanced at the taller, gauging his silence. "You should eat," he added after a moment, "and have some water. You've been through a lot tonight."

Chanyeol just nodded. His head was fuzzy, everything was fuzzy. He hardly noticed as Baekhyun pulled into a twenty-four hour diner and parked the car. He only snapped out of it when the engine completely silenced and Baekhyun pulled the keys from the ignition. He blinked, bleary eyed, and gathered his surroundings.

"Come on." Baekhyun called, stepping out the car and closing the door. Chanyeol followed.

✳

They were seated in a booth near the back of the diner, where the lighting was less harsh and it was less crowded. Chanyeol asked for water to keep the bill low while Baekhyun asked for a sweet tea. They were handed menus, and Chanyeol shyly flipped through the laminated little booklet, avoiding the other's attention.

_ "You can get whatever you want," _ Baekhyun had stated, but Chanyeol was still resistant and unsure. All the things that caught his eye were a bit pricey in his opinion, and he wasn't about to take advantage of this little kindness.

When the waitress returned he order an apple and pecan salad with a vinaigrette side. Baekhyun ordered a meat dish, something foreign that Chanyeol had never heard of. He peeked at the price, saw double digits, and cocked a surprised brow to himself.

"You don't want anything else?" Baekhyun asked, holding his menu toward the waitress.

"Um," Chanyeol closed his menu, handing it over as well, "No, I'm fine with just a salad."

"Dessert?" Baekhyun was persistent. But not pushy.

"That would be nice." Chanyeol timidly shrugged his shoulders. A corner of Baekhyin's lips twitched into a smirk.

"We'll have two chocolate fudge sundaes." He said towards the waitress, adding a dazzling smile. He could be awfully charming, if the waitress' shy smile and blush said anything.

Chanyeol would've never thought he was gay if he didn't already know. The fact that he was made him interesting to Chanyeol, like an intriguing, new world full of secrets Chanyeol wanted to know. He was full of mysteries and experience. Chanyeol, in a way, looked up to him. He was like an out of reach, untouchable galaxy and Chanyeol's only view was a tiny window seven inches thick.

"How did your parents react?" He quietly asked once their food had arrived, and he was picking carefully through his salad. "Did they accept it? Or… "

Baekhyun took a deep inhale and let it out, "Well," he began, scraping some sauce onto his place from the little bowl he was given with an entree, "My dad doesn't talk to me anymore if that says anything. My mom was unsure about it at first, but I think she's slowly coming around. She's still 'hopeful.' Every time I mention a girl, she gets really pushy and wants more details about her when I don't have any. But she also listens when I talk about a guy I like, even gives me advice sometimes. It's a learning curve, I guess."

Chanyeol wondered if his mother would ever come around. He wondered if either of his parents would  _ ever _ even speak to him again; he hoped they would. At least hopefully his mom. He wouldn't make it without his mom.

"Give them time." Baekhyun said a moment later, giving Chanyeol a reassuring smile when the younger glanced up at him, "It's new to them. New can be scary. They just don't understand it right now, but that doesn't mean they never will."

"You have the right to be who you are. If they can't accept that in the end, then it's their loss. You should be proud of yourself. Coming out isn't easy, especially in Korea, but you did it. Rather than keeping it a secret for the rest of your life like I know a lot of guys do, you chose to be honest. It didn't go that well, but you still did it. For that, I hope you realize how brave you are."

Chanyeol gave a faint nod and a glum, though thankful, smile. He sat quietly for a while, digesting Baekhyun's words rather than much of his food. Baekhyun didn't make it a spectacle, didn't broach any further comments or try to get Chanyeol talking. He let the quiet settle between them and ate comfortably.

  
  


"Do you know Oh Sehun?" Chanyeol asked as they were finishing up. Baekhyun asked for a to-go box for the salad, insisting Chanyeol should take it with him for later.

"Oh Sehun… " Baekhyun hummed to himself, brows scrunching in thought as he spooned the salad into the styrofoam container. "Sounds familiar. You hung out with him a lot, didn't you?"

Chanyeol nodded and a small, impish smirk ticked Baekhyun's lips. "Is he your boyfriend?" His tone was light and jestful, but it still made Chanyeol sigh.

"Not really. We had a thing, I guess, but… Turns out he's an asshole."

Baekhyun made a sound of understanding as he closed the to-go box, offering it across the table, "Yeah. That's how it usually goes."

"He's one of the reasons I decided to come out," Chanyeol confessed, taking the box in both hands, "he always told me not to and that it was a stupid idea. He said what we were doing 'wasn't serious' and just 'fun' and he didn't think I knew what I really liked and he wasn't a  _ fag _ he was just messing around. Telling my parents would be a mistake when I realized I'm 'not really gay'. He said a lot of shitty things like that all the time. Then when he realized I wasn't gonna sleep with him, he 'broke-up' with me. Isn't that ironic."

Baekhyun snorted, signing the receipt on the table and leaving a few bills under a cup. "Good that you didn't sleep with him. He sounds like the definition of 'asshole'."

Chanyeol rolled his eyes in agreement as they stood. "He's one of those guys that like to collect virginities." he paused as he belatedly realized his admission, face heating with embarrassment.

Baekhyun just cocked a brow then casually lead them towards the doors. "I'm glad he didn't succeed. Those types of guys are total shit so good for you for not letting him. I probably would have if I were in your shoes."

They pushed out into the cold air and hurried to the car. Chanyeol furrowed his brows, "Wait - does that mean you're a virgin, too?"

Baekhyun laughed at that, standing on the driver's side while Chanyeol waited anxiously by the passenger's. The night was only getting colder. "You saw me with my dick in another guy's mouth and think I'm still a virgin?"

Baekhyun disappeared within the car and Chanyeol quickly followed, face scrunched in a pouty scowl. "Well- It depends on what you classify as virginity! Like…  _ That _ could be losing your virginity, or like…  _ Going all the way _ could be. How do you know when you lose your virginity? I mean it's simple for straight people, but gay is kinda complicated, isn't it? When two girls are together, and they do stuff like that, that counts as losing it, right? But it's different for guys 'cause we have different things that go places and stuff."

Baekhyun hadn't stopped smiling in amusement since they entered the car. "You're really something else." He commented under his breath. Soft and fond and enough to make Chanyeol blush again. He started the engine and it smoothly came to life, backing them out of the parking space.

"Well I don't know about all those specifics, but to answer your question - no, I'm not a virgin. In any way, shape, or form of it"

"So you've... done it before?" Chanyeol cautiously pried. Baekhyun seemed unbothered and open about it, so it felt alright to ask.

"I have." Baekhyun confirmed matter-of-factly.

"Both ways? Or… "

Baekhyun laughed again, giving Chanyeol a look as he glanced left then right before turning, "Are you asking if I'm a top or bottom?"

Chanyeol flustered. "N-No, I'm just- I've never done anything like that before so I don't know, I'm just wondering if it hurts or something. Since you seem to know and all…" It was true. The only motive he had was knowledge and curiosity.

Baekhyun chuckled for a few more moments before he shook his head. "If you do it right, it shouldn't hurt. Maybe a little bit, a bearable amount." He tilted his hand back and forth vaguely. "If it hurts a lot, they're not doing it right. You should never end up bleeding. And if you do, they're a real lousy lay." 

Chanyeol, still beet-red, nodded his head in understanding, mentally taking notes.

"And yes," the older continued, "I have done it both ways. I'm verse." Chanyeol flushed anew.

✳

Baekhyun turned out to be very easy to talk to. He was full of understanding and never made things awkward despite how awkward-prone Chanyeol seemed to be. He laughed easily and smiled like sunshine despite his outwardly aloof appearance.

He was an amazing storyteller, even better at impressions, and his pun abilities were too cringey not to appreciate and chuckle at.

He made Chanyeol smile, and momentarily forget how fucked up everything was.

His cheeks aches from the amount of smiling as they rolled to a stop at a traffic light. He was sitting mostly sideways in his seat, facing Baekhyun with his head lulled against the headrest.

Baekhyun was smiling back at him, the traffic light casting him a red glow. The contrast was harsh, but his features were soft, and Chanyeol admired the rounded structure of his face. His dark eyes, small nose, curved lips.

Baekhyun was very handsome, wasn't he? He was nice, so kind. Almost beautiful. Unreal.

The smile on Chanyeol's face slowly softened, as did Baekhyun's, and he realized how much he wanted to kiss Baekhyun. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the desire pushed through and persuaded him forward.

Baekhyun stilled, like a statue.

The kiss was chaste, brief, and Chanyeol's eyes fluttered when they parted. The red glow of the traffic light became harsh as he gazed into Baekhyun's blank stare, and slowly faced regret. He leaned away, embarrassed. "I- I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Baekhyun blinked rapidly, shaking his head. "It's okay…" he paused, voice softening, "...I liked it."

Chanyeol paused for a moment before he raised his eyes back to Baekhyun's. The older was gazing at him with unreadable eyes. He slowly raised a hand, his fingers curled under Chanyeol's chin like a feather, and barely drew him forward. Chanyeol's mouth twitched as Baekhyun inched closer, slow and careful, and reconnected their lips. It was soft, gentle, just like the hand tentatively tracing a line over his jaw to his earlobe.

Baekhyun's touch was steady, warm. His lips were soft and lenient as he followed Chanyeol's lead. His movements were sure, but patient. He didn't speed things up, his hands didn't push beneath Chanyeol's clothes to feel more. 

It was so new, so different to how Sehun had been. No hurry, no pressure or impatience. Chanyeol's stomach fluttered softly, a foreign rush of warmth.

He shifted in Baekhyun's hold, pressing closer into the heat of his body, the weight of his touch. Their lips disconnected with a quiet, wet noise, and Chanyeol felt fuzzy all over again. A new kind of fuzzy. A good fuzzy. Baekhyun hummed softly, a deep, timbre sound that vibrated straight to Chanyeol's core. Their gazes connected. Baekhyun's glossy and deep; Chanyeol's dreamy and fogged.

He felt the older backing off slightly, a hand coming up to cup his cheek, and Chanyeol ushered forward again, pressing their mouths together with new fervor. He wanted more of this warm, fuzzy feeling, wasn't quite ready to let it go yet. He felt a tremble in his veins, a sudden rush of hesitation and anxiety.

But this, this felt good. It  _ felt _ good. But now his thoughts were getting a little jumbled. Maybe they should stop.

The fuzziness edged on anxiousness. He became overly aware of Baekhyun's hands, how they were touching him. His lungs were tight, he shuddered. He remembered Sehun's hands touching him, how they were quick and impatient. He remembered his clothes being pulled from his body, and thought maybe… that's what Baekhyun wanted.

What if Baekhyun wanted more?

What if Baekhyun didn't want to stop here?

Should Chanyeol be acting like this?

Was he being a tease?

_ "You're just a tease." _

What if Baekhyun saw him as a tease, too. He didn't want to be a tease -- he didn't want to make Baekhyun angry. What if he mistook Baekhyun's annoyance as patience - what if Baekhyun was waiting for him to do… more.

Did Baekhyun want more?

His fingers found their way to the buttons of his shirt, trembling as he fumbled to undo them.

He didn't want to upset Baekhyun.

Baekhyun wanted more, didn't he? Chanyeol didn't want to be a tease. If they stopped here, Baekhyun would get upset, wouldn't he? He imagined Baekhyun's voice, his soft eyes turning sharp. Shunning him away.

_ "You're just a tease." _

He didn't want to disappoint Baekhyun. Because then, Baekhyun would leave.

He didn't want Baekhyun to leave.

His lips followed an unsteady rhythm, stuttering against the older's as his breath hitched. His fingers were shaking, struggling in his haste to remove his shirt. His other hand touched Baekhyun's chest, lowered to his stomach, in a manner he only hoped the older appreciated.

Baekhyun wasn't moving. The hand cupping his face lowered to his chest, to his open shirt, and pulled it closed in his fist. He touched Chanyeol's fumbling hand before he lowered any further, bringing him to a halt.

"Stop trying to take your clothes off." His voice was quiet, but clear, and it rushed over Chanyeol like a splash of water. Air flooded his lungs; his thoughts paused in their hectic spinning. He breathed.

Baekhyun's eyes were tender and full of concern- not anger- not disappointment- and Chanyeol sank beneath the thundering waves of relief. He felt like sobbing, but he could barely gather enough breath to do so. Tears flooded his vision as he buried his face in his hands. His head leaves heavily on Baekhyun's shoulder, steadying him as if he were the only thing keeping him to the ground.

Baekhyun remained quiet, wrapped an arms around Chanyeol's broad self and traced soothing lines of comfort on his back. Like all the times before, he let Chanyeol cry. He never mocked him, didn't tease or make jokes. 

For the first time in a while - on a dark night beneath the stars, wrapped in someone's arms, with his lips full and red with kisses, Chanyeol felt safe.

Inside Baekhyun's contradictory car, just like this, with a boy he barely knew, warm - Chanyeol felt safe.

The light had turned green, yellow, and red all over again before they finally moved forward.

✳

  
  


The rest of the ride to Chanyeol's sister's house went by quietly. Baekhyun turned on the radio and played the music he wanted to, and Chanyeol listened to him sing along and gazed sleepily out the passenger's window.

They arrived ten minutes before midnight, but luckily there was a car in the driveway and lights still on in the house. Chanyeol released a soft sigh as looked at his backpack in the floorboard.

"Here we are." Baekhyun quietly announced. He'd turned down the radio, soft crooning and a slow beat played underneath his voice.

"Thank you for taking me." Chanyeol said sincerely.

The other simply shrugged. "It was nothing."

"No, it wasn't," Chanyeol shook his head. "I could still be sitting out in the cold right now. But I'm not because you're way too generous. So… thank you. It really means a lot to me." He looked at Baekhyun, who was wearing a shy expression as he fidgeted with the stereo knobs. He glanced at Chanyeol with a single nod.

Chanyeol dilly-dallied a little longer, taking his time lifting his backpack into his lap and straightening things that weren't out of place. He stalled until there was no more excuses to stay in the car, so he reluctantly pulled the handle and let himself out.

The cold hit him like a sharp slap to the face, and he immediately shivered. He'd gotten so used to the warmth of Baekhyun and his car.

"Hey," Chanyeol paused as Baekhyun rolled down the passenger's window. The older smiled as he leaned over the middle console, tapping the  _ 12:01AM  _ on his stereo screen, "It's the twenty-seventh. Happy Birthday. I'm first, right?"

Chanyeol broke into a small smile of his own. He nodded, slinging the straps of his backpack onto his shoulders. "Yeah. You're first."

Baekhyun grinned victoriously and sat back into his seat. Chanyeol huffed out a little chuckle, then turned towards his sister's house. He'd texted her earlier - she was expecting him, so he shouldn't make her wait any longer. He took a couple steps up the driveway before he turned back around.

"Wait" He called, halting Baekhyun in the middle of rolling the window back up. A pause, then the thick glass slid back into the door. Baekhyun raised his brows. Chanyeol fumbled. "Can I, um… Can I... see you again?"

Baekhyun's face softened, lips quirked up into a crooked, fond smile. "Yeah. I'll be around."

Chanyeol's insides warmed, smiling at his shoes to hide the reddening of his face. "Okay."

He watched Baekhyun roll up the window, and when he eventually pulled away from the curb. He watched the red brake lights fade down the street, around a corner and out of sight - and sighed. He was once more alone on that freezing autumn night, with nothing but the soft buzzing of cicadas. He stared down the street for too many minutes before he finally turned and made his way to his sister's front door.

✳

  
  


Chanyeol woke up with his emotions in an empty numbness. He had cried last night, when he was left alone with his spiraling thoughts keeping him up. His last thought was about Baekhyun, and how he knew he'd probably never see him again.

Realistically, it just wasn't feasible. Baekhyun lived in Seoul. Chanyeol, now in Incheon. They'd have no reason to cross paths again unless intentional. Even that was unlikely. In the end, Baekhyun was still just the mysterious boy he watched in the halls until he graduated. Last night, they had shared… something, but sometimes  _ something _ was all it was.  _ Something  _ didn't always promise more.

He fell asleep accepting that fact, that Baekhyun was only a wishful  _ something. _


End file.
